Over the last few months, I have been feeling a push and a pull within me. For a time, I am offered space to feel the sun upon my face and the ocean’s spray upon my skin. Joy and excitement flow through me as long held dreams materialize before my eyes. It is like I am living a dream come true. I feel weightless and free. Everything within me rises to the surface to mingle with the sea and sky as my dreams take flight. It is beautiful and surreal all rolled into one gift that has no strings attached. As I smile with my eyes closed and face to the sun, the ocean waves consume me, dragging me down into the ocean’s dark depths. I am instantly carried down below my own waterline. Into the darkness I go; acceptance and silence my only guide. I found myself wandering a labyrinth of extinct lava tubes beneath the ocean’s floor. Once an explosive and creative force, they are now dark and silent. Do I wait here patiently, or do I seek the Mystery? If I can learn from the past few months, I know I will breach the surface again, soaking in the sun once more. But I know it will not happen if I do not strike the right action. There is something about this place and time. It is everything and nothing as much as it is an ending and a beginning. So, I choose the silence for now. The shedding and exploring allows a building of an energy for dreams and the power of rebirth. It also welcomes the surrender of fear, sorrow, or whatever else holds me back. I am learning to surrender into the sacred space of darkness, of the deep and fertile earth, and the depths of the vast oceans. I am also learning to embrace the sun and joy as well.
As I have been moving though the different tides lately, I have been reflecting a lot. While it has been exciting as I am breaking new personal ground, I have also been craving a silence that only meditations with the deep earth and sea can understand. With summertime, everything is in bloom and full of life. Yet, there is also a call to be pulled into the depths. As one that enjoys the quiet and solitude as much as the lush beauty and abundance, I feel that I have been craving the stillness and silence whether I am ready for the deeper depths or not. The rising and falling are a part of our own natural cycle and have purpose. When we are folded into the depths of the waves well beneath the surface, it can be scary and messy. Endings and beginnings usually are. I am learning that it is okay to feel these things and because of that, there has been an acceptance of myself that I didn’t see coming. I am grateful for that.
A long time ago I realized that it is the stillness and the silence that allows me to take off my armor and finally exhale. I did it, albeit begrudgingly at the time. I thought that if I was always moving and doing, I was being productive. I had a hard time believing that resting, reflecting, and journaling was needed for the work as well. I felt that I needed that time to complete the project I was working on. I valued myself for the outward tasks I completed, not what my body, mind, and spirit craved. Looking back, I needed an action to complete because I didn’t want the quietness to surround me, making me look at all of those uncomfortable and difficult thoughts, memories, and experiences. This can be likened to the doom scrolling of today that we fall into when we don’t want to face what is before us. It is easier to succumb to the noise than to acknowledge the difficult signals of our heart, spirit, and ghostly memories.
One way or another, we move through life seeking recognition and acceptance from others through our outward work. While it is perfectly fine to be creating parts of ourselves to offer to the world, maybe what we are really looking for is understanding through the desire of being seen. Perhaps we are seeking an understanding of our own heart for ourselves through the praise of others. Part of understanding is the acceptance of what is. When we look at our lives without the obstruction of fantastical thinking or a judgmental lens, we can look at our experiences and extract the lessons from them. We can offer ourselves mercy and forgiveness. We can open ourselves to experience compassion and love. Through these acts we can gently observe our successes and failures and look to the pattens that led us to the present moment. Sometimes we can do this as we feel the sunlight upon our face, seeing a clear way forward as the sun burns away the stagnant energy holding us back. We can feel the love and support of the Great God through the energy of the sun. However, being contained within the darkness of our own depths helps us too. Once we are there, we can call upon the stillness and silence to soothe us as we peel back our own layers exposing the patterns without judgement, without shame. It is in those depths, where we can call upon the Dark Goddess, the Great Mother, to hold us in that sacred space so we can release the binds that keep us from our own potential. The old pieces are allowed to slough off and rot; allowing us to create a new skin, a new pattern. We take part in our own rebirth here. Just as we put energy into our dreams to become manifest, we put energy into our new outlook and patterns for our lives. It isn’t easy. It is often quite messy and confusing. Yet, if we allow ourselves the space, it can be one of the most beautiful processes we allow for ourselves as we come out on the other side, breaching the surface, and embracing the sunlight once again.
Today as we embrace the summer sun, enjoying the bountiful life that thrives all around us, I ask that you offer yourself a moment of reflection. It is a pause in your day only for you, offered by you. I ask that you listen to those depths that call out, asking for stillness and silence. In that sacred space, she awaits you. She, the Dark Mother, the Mother that is always willing to receive you just as you are with open arms. It is with her that you can remove your amour. It is with her where you can finally exhale. It is with her where you will receive an absolute and ferocious love with pure compassion. Our depths do not have to be a hidden or forbidden place. They are where we can willingly go when we are seeking love, healing, grace, forgiveness, inspiration, rebirth, and hope. You are not alone as you travel into these places. It is quite the opposite. You can find the Dark Mother and you can also find yourself, deep within the depths of a pure and loving heart.
Be well today and take good care of yourself.
Blessed Be.
Renee Bedard ~ The Whispering Crow
The Whispering Crow 